My girlfriend and I will soon be moving flat—to place with such luxuries as running water (fingers-crossed). Anyway, we've just had the tenancy agreement for our new place sent through. It's short (only four pages: one-fifth the length of our current contract), so I went through it on my short train journey home. I could hardly contain myself. In fact, I couldn't contain myself—I was laughing so hard.
I won't go through every poorly constructed sentence: it'd take too long, but here are a couple of gems.
The Tenant shall:- …
(c) Use the property in a tenant-like manner
… and the sentence that had me in tears:
(t) Not do or suffer to be done any act or thing which may be a nuisance or annoyance to the Landlord or to the occupiers of any adjoining premises or which may vitiate any insurance of the Property or the contents thereof against fire or otherwise increase the ordinary premium thereon and in particular without prejudice to the generality of the foregoing not to use or play any electrical or musical instruments of any kind or practice any singing in the Property so as to cause annoyance to nearby residents or occupiers or at all so as to be audible outside the Property between the hours of 11pm and 9am
Somehow, it simultaneously manages to be the best and worst sentence I've ever read.